C'est la vie

Tonight I had dinner with my ex-boss and one of the professors from my previous job. It's supposed to be a pleasant dinner out, but turned out to be an evening ended with shocking sadness. My ex-boss (I always called her by first name instead of "boss" or "chair") used to drink a lot, but tonight I discovered that she barely touched her glass of white wine. I was curious about the big change, so I tried to tease her and said, "You've been behaving yourself!" She replied with a bitter smile and said that she would tell us why she stopped drinking later. It was not until we all finished eating and couldn't have more food whatsoever, that she revealed the secret.

She was confirmed to have breast cancer, stage II. Two tumors were found, one about 2.9 centimeters near the lymph nodes in the armpit and the other about 1.5 centimeters at the breast. She's having the first chemo tomorrow, actually today while I'm posting this thread.

It was a total shock to me. I couldn't take it as well as she did (or seemed to be, in a sense). I don't exactly know what stage II means but chemo does sound scary. What will happen to her? I don't know. It was until then that I regretted so deeply that maybe I shouldn't have quitted the job four months ago. Maybe I should have stayed by her side so that she could feel more at ease. Maybe....maybe.....

It still hurts now just to think of her saying that she'll get through it, that some fortune teller once told her that she'll live as long as 70 something, that she's thinking about shaving up her hair....and she said all those things with a smile.

Be strong, my dear Kai. You got me here.